No More Secrets
by NeonDomino
Summary: Scared of losing Remus entirely, Sirius finds a way for them to sit down and talk. It's either fix their relationship or watch Remus leave, and he's not willing to lose the love of his life. Set during the first Wizarding War. Written for QL.


Written for

**Quidditch League** \- Season 7 - Quarter Finals

BEATER 2: Use the Beater 1 prompt for their least favourite round this season (Prompt given: Round 6 - _War. _Write a fic set during a wizarding war.)

Prompts used:

10 - [word] Tenuous - (Meaning) very weak or slight - very slender or fine

1 - [word] Mundane - (Meaning) Lacking interest or excitement, dull

14 - [colour] Silver - (see authors note below)

**A/N** \- I used the colour silver for the rings that Sirius and Remus both wear. In that era, gay marriage wasn't allowed so I wanted to show that even though they couldn't legally get married, they still wear rings to show their commitment to each other - specifically silver rings. Circles are representations of protective magic, and silver is associated with the moon. Traditionally, a lover would give a silver ring with their initials or chosen words carved into the silver. Finally, a silver ring is considered more humble than a gold ring.

This is relevant because the lives I show/imagine them as living aren't rich, extravagant lives. They don't have a lot, but they have each other and that's what matters the most. I picture Sirius as a traditionalist as he's a Pureblood and they keep to traditions - so he'd know the traditions behind a silver ring, intentionally choosing it over gold. The bit about it being associated with the moon I feel would be an inside joke to the both of them - though one or both of them would assume that Remus would be a little more attuned to the silver ring.

In addition to this, silver is known in folklore to ward off werewolves. I can imagine that Remus chooses this because he thinks that maybe it can help keep the wolf side that's just under his skin, away.

* * *

Also written for:

**Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry** \- Assignment 5 - Muggle History Task 3 - Task 3 - Write about someone taking a risk for something (or someone) they love.

The risk taken in the fic is Sirius taking veritaserum even though he's aware it puts him at risk of spilling order secrets. He does this because he believes that by doing so, he can help Remus and also save their relationship.

Seasonal:

Days of the year: 17th November: World Peace Day: Write about someone extending an olive branch in some manner.

Seasons - 7. Word: Change

Colours - 6. Teal

Flower - 7. Amaranthus - (theme) Innocence

Tarot Cards - 7. Eight of Wands - Write about something happening quickly. ALT, write about someone panicking.

Air - Elemental Characteristic: Write about someone trying to solve a problem.

Let's Bake a Cake - Bake a cake - Vanilla - [Theme] Innocence

Religious Holidays - 18th October: Rohini Vrat (Jainism) - Write about someone willing to do anything to keep their family together.

Writing Club

Assorted Appreciation - 19. "You deserve my best."

Disney Challenge - Theme - 2. Redemption - Write about someone trying to correct their wrongs.

Trope of the Month - 12. Emotion: Fear

Showtime - 12. A Perfect Life - (emotion) Doubt

Sophie's Shelf - 18. Brooklyn Black Chocolate Stout: (emotion) Angry

Liza's Loves - 15. Nature Domain - Acolyte of Nature - Write about an honest character. (used Sirius Black) [BONUS!]

Scamander's Case - 12. Veritaserum

Film Festival - 6. (emotion) suspicion

Lyric Alley - 4. But I'm thinking of you right now

Halloween Funfair - Apple Picking - Tree 2 - 5. (emotion) anger

Dragon Club - Welsh Green

Writing Month - Goal: 50k

Zodiac Club - Scorpio - Weakness: Distrusting

Pumpkin Toss - Large Pumpkin (2000-5000 words) - 7. WolfStar

Galleon Club - (word) Idea

Sticker Album - Rare Stickers - Halloween 1 - 4. Spider - Write about facing your fears

Fortnightly - Trick or Treat - Trick: Werewolf - Remus Lupin

Fortnightly - Build a Masque - Woven Lace - 6. Hopeful (emotion)

* * *

**No More Secrets**

WolfStar

AU - Divergence from canon

* * *

Sirius still loves his home, even if it feels too small recently. They never needed space before, but when the arguments begin, or when they need to get away from each other before someone says something that crosses another line… the flat just doesn't provide that.

He hates the amount of times the front door has slammed behind one of them. He doesn't want to hear it slam again. They can't go on like this. He's certain by the half-packed suitcase on the bed that Remus knows it too.

He's shaking and can't stop himself. He doesn't believe Remus expected him home today—he wasn't due back until tomorrow. He wonders if Remus would have waited for him, or if he would have just left without a word or letter.

A year ago, he'd be sure of the answer. Back then they were happy, exchanging promise rings in lieu of getting married. But now their relationship is barely hanging on by a thread. He twists the silver ring on his finger, wondering if Remus has taken his off.

His thoughts are all over the place. He listens to the whispers that pass through the Order about a traitor. He listens to James' concerns about Remus disappearing on long missions that he can't talk about. He listens to Peter, who too often tells him that he's seen Remus meeting with unsavoury or suspicious people. Too many whispers. His mind connects the dots and Remus may as well have big red letters across his face saying _'Traitor'_.

That should be enough for him to walk away, end things. There are two sides to the war: light and dark, right and wrong. If Remus is on the dark side—the wrong side—then he's made his choice.

But even though he's listening to his head more often, it doesn't mean he's going to ignore his heart, because the threat of losing Remus is all too real. They knew that they could lose each other in the war, or he could lose Remus during a full moon. But those are things that neither of them can change. The suitcase—Remus feeling that he has no choice but to walk out… that's something that Sirius _can_ fix. They made a promise to each other the day they exchanged rings. It may not have been a real wedding, but it's as close as they could get to one, and Sirius won't ever go back on the promises he made that day.

He walks through the flat, glancing towards the cup overturned on the draining board as he passes the kitchen—the initial indication that Remus had been home recently—and into the bedroom where the teal suitcase sits on the bed. He knows if Remus packs this and leaves, he's not returning.

He ignores his head. He ignores the voice that tells him that Remus is a traitor and to just let him go. There's one thing he trusts more than his mind and that's his heart.

He loves Remus more than anything. He's not going to turn his back on him. Instead, he's going to fix them. He's going to save Remus from whatever he's gotten himself mixed up in. He knows that Remus doesn't want money or power, so they've somehow forced him into this and Sirius will die before he lets anything more happen to Remus.

He resists the urge to unpack the suitcase. He's not going to make that choice for Remus, instead he's going to somehow create a safe space for them to talk. No arguing, just talking things through and hoping that this time they can fix their relationship enough so it stops unravelling. He's going to leave the suitcase as it is, because he wants Remus to be the one to unpack it—to make that choice to stay.

He can't imagine life without Remus.

...oOo...

It's an hour before the door opens and Remus steps through the doorway. The keys jingle as Remus shuts the door.

"Sirius?"

Sirius doesn't blame Remus for sounding surprised. He's not supposed to be back yet. But in the time he's been waiting, he's cooked a nice dinner. A simple shepherd's pie, Remus' favourite meal. The chocolate pudding is still cooking in the oven.

Sirius has put cushions on the floor either side of the coffee table. It's been too long since they sat down together and had a meal, long enough for their dining table to become too cluttered.

Candles decorate the table. There's a large jug of butterbeer and two empty glasses.

Sirius is scared. Maybe Remus feels that there's nothing left to save? Maybe he doesn't have the same hope as Sirius? Maybe he's already given up.

"I came home early," Sirius says softly.

Remus steps into the room and Sirius can see that he's exhausted. Remus has bruises that are yellow and purple and beginning to fade.

"You're hurt," Remus comments.

Sirius shrugs. He had been injured earlier that day, which is why he came home early. Upon seeing the suitcase, his focus had shifted from his own injuries to his relationship. Still he follows Remus as his boyfriend strides towards the bathroom. He reaches the doorway just as Remus gets the medical supplies from under the sink. "Living room. Now," Remus orders.

Sirius ignores the command. He doesn't know why he doubted Remus' feelings. If Remus didn't care, he wouldn't be trying to help. He steps towards his love and throws his arms tightly around him. There had been too much sleeping on the sofa or at James' house and he can't even remember the last time they just hugged or kissed each other goodbye. He can't remember the last time Remus said the most beautiful words _'I love you'_ or even when he said them himself.

"Tonight we're going to have a nice dinner, we're going to talk. We're going to talk about everything, we're going to see if we can fix this. If… if you're still unhappy, I won't stop you leaving. Just give me tonight to… to convince you to stay."

Remus doesn't reply, but his arms wrap tightly around Sirius and he buries his face in Sirius' dark hair. They're clinging to each other and Sirius can feel the medical box digging into his back. He _knows_ Remus doesn't want to leave. He's sure that Remus wants to fix this just as much. He may have many doubts, but he's never doubted Remus' love for him. Their love is one thing he's always been entirely sure about.

"I love you," Sirius adds when Remus' grip finally loosens. "More than anything. I've not expressed it recently, but I do."

Remus smiles and Sirius realises that he's not seen Remus smile in such a long time. It's not a full smile, just a slight curve at the corner of his lips, but it's a start.

"I never doubted that for a moment," he murmurs. "And I love you just as much."

And though Sirius knows that Remus does, it's still a relief to hear the words, to have it confirmed.

"Dinner and then we'll talk," he says, taking Remus' hand. He can't stop himself from glancing down at it. The silver ring is still there on Remus' finger and that is just further proof that Remus hasn't given up completely. Sirius isn't going to consider this over until Remus takes that ring off. "You deserve my best." He means it more than anything. Remus deserves better than he's been getting recently.

"Healing, dinner and then talking," Remus corrects him gently. His gaze has softened a lot and things are starting to feel a little more normal, more how they used to be.

"Chocolate dessert in the oven," Sirius points out

Remus considers this. "Healing, dinner, dessert and then we talk." His smile grows slightly and Sirius can't help but smile back. There's hope here. He knows they can fix this.

...oOo...

Sirius loves this. Just sitting in his living room with Remus. He grew up being dragged out to restaurants, and Remus hates people staring. It may be 'mundane' in other people's opinion, but the pair to them have always been content to live a quiet life together.

Sirius loves cuddling on the sofa, home-cooked meals, and the intimacy of it just being the two of them. He loves being the centre of Remus' attention and he used to always make it clear Remus was the very centre of his world.

The nights out are sporadic, a dance-club or concert. Sometimes they've spent the night standing outside of a shop waiting for a book to go on sale at midnight. Sirius loves their life, no matter how mundane it appears from the outside.

He hates the fighting. The slamming doors and shouting remind him of his parents and as they sit at the coffee table, he silently vows never to let it become that again.

He eats a little slower than usual, though Remus speeds through his dinner like he hasn't eaten for a month. Sirius wonders when Remus last ate. He knows Remus returned from something that morning after being away for almost a month and he hates that Remus might not be eating enough on his missions.

Unfortunately, they can't make the food last all night. Their stomachs full of dinner and dessert, they finally sit down, Remus on the sofa, and Sirius on the armchair facing.

Sirius' fingers are shaking as he pulls out the vial of clear liquid. He sets it down in the centre of the table and Remus' amber eyes follow. "What's that?"

Sirius doesn't answer. Remus was bad at potions in school, but he remembers the hours Remus spent learning to identify potions by colour, texture, smell. He remembers Remus' determination to pass the class somehow. He knows Remus has already worked it out.

"We both take it," Sirius says. "Equal footing, love. We can take turns with questions and if a question is too much, one of us can go into the bedroom until the potion wears off."

"Veritaserum," Remus murmurs.

"There's too many secrets between us," Sirius admits softly. "This potion… it takes away the guilt of telling something that we feel we can't otherwise say."

Remus' gaze quickly moves from the vial upto Sirius. "I can ask anything?"

Sirius nods. If Remus asks about Order missions, Sirius could end up giving away some vital information that would be bad in the wrong hands, but he wants to show he trusts Remus. He can't ask Remus to do this if he's not willing to do it himself. The strain on the relationship runs both ways and they both need to fix things, both need to trust each other.

"And if one of us goes to the bedroom?" Remus checks.

"The other stays in here. That's the end of the questions," Sirius confirms. "When the potion is done, we can perhaps continue talking, continue trying to repair us. Or you could… pack if you still want to."

Remus sighs and looks away. "It's not that I _want_ to..." Remus trails off and reaches for the potion. He stares at it for a long moment before counting out a few drops of the potion as they drip into the butterbeer.

Sirius is terrified as he reaches for the jug and pours both of them a glass. He sets the jug down and reaches for his drink, taking a large mouthful.

Remus does the same.

"You can start," Sirius offers.

Remus nods. He twists his hands in front of him and his brow furrows as he thinks about his question.

"Are you having an affair?"

"No." The word leaves Sirius' lips before he can stop it and Sirius stares down at the glass before looking at Remus. The mixture is so strong that he can't even think about his answer or try to fight the potion off in the slightest. A weak potion, someone could have a bit more control over their words. He knows Remus calculated how much potion to add to the jug of juice and it was intentionally strong.

He can't help but be hurt. He loves Remus so much and would never even consider being with someone else. "I would never cheat on you," he promises softly.

Remus looks a little less stressed now and Sirius hates the words that are forming on his lips, but he has to do this.

"Are you the traitor to the Order?" he asks, terrified at what the answer will be.

A look of surprise crosses Remus' face. "No. Are you?"

"No," Sirius replies, just as surprised. He's trying to remain calm, but he's giddy at the idea that Remus is innocent.

"I want to… to ask you about your missions now." He carefully picks his words so it's not a question. "I suspect you would want to do the same."

Remus nods.

"What do you do for the Order?"

"Dumbledore has me trying to convert the packs of werewolves to the Order. You-Know-Who has been working to get them on side, but Dumbledore hoped I would be able to talk them around. Any progress I make just gets undone when You-Know-Who's followers do their rounds. The Order can't offer a better life, we can't offer to change the laws or anything… but the Death Eaters can make those promises."

Sirius is angry. The anger he felt towards Remus over the last year is nothing to the anger he feels for Dumbledore. To send Remus to deal with other werewolves - that's dangerous. They won't accept him because he's also a wizard, plus Greyback is a nomad and always moving between groups - he could have turned up where Remus was.

"I don't think you should be doing that anymore," Sirius replies carefully. He wants to sound like he's only giving his opinion. They've made so many demands of each other recently.

"I don't think I can do any good out there. I… I know the Order don't trust me. I hoped that I could do _something_ to help with that. You… you didn't trust me."

"You didn't trust me either." Sirius slides from the chair onto his knees and reaches across the table. Remus leans in as Sirius' fingers trail down his face briefly, pushing a strand of dark-blond hair behind his ear. "But if we dwell on that, we'll lose each other. I know that we've so much to fix, but I love you. I don't ever want to lose you."

"What would you have done if I said that I _was_ the traitor?" Remus asks.

"I'd have helped you - got you free from them, whatever the cost. Run away with you and gone into hiding with you so you'd be safe. I would never turn my back on you. And… how do you feel?"

"Hopeful, for the first time in a very long time," Remus answers. "Hearing that you've been cheating… thinking you're the traitor… I've been so scared to confront you - I didn't want us to end up how we always end up. I didn't want another fight because I thought if we had another, we may not survive. And…"

"And?" Sirius prompts.

"I thought that you might like this other person better. I feared that confronting you would make you feel you needed to choose and as we were constantly at each other's throats, you wouldn't choose me. I thought today was you looking for a way to confess."

Sirius hates this, but Remus is right - it would have turned into an argument.

"Wait… someone told you I was cheating?" Sirius asks.

Remus nods. "Yes."

"Who?"

For the first time, Sirius sees Remus try and fight the words. The struggle is only for a moment, but he sees that Remus doesn't want to answer this question. Remus moves to stand, but the name passes his lips before he can do so.

"Peter."

He sinks back down onto the sofa with a sigh and Sirius frowns. Peter is the person who told him that Remus was meeting with unsavoury people. Peter is the one who shared his 'concerns' about Remus.

He shakes his head. This has to be a misunderstanding. Of course Peter isn't trying to break him and Remus up - Peter has always supported their relationship. But now his brain is taking over, connecting the dots.

"You thought I was a traitor. Did… did Peter…" he trails off. Remus was reluctant to even name Peter, so he doesn't want to ask the question and force an answer.

But the look on Remus' face is enough. Remus is connecting his own dots.

"Peter… he told me things that led me to suspect you. I'm sorry I ever doubted you, love," Sirius insists softly.

"And I'm sorry I doubted you," Remus replies.

"The suitcase?" Sirius asks. That case has been on his mind throughout the whole evening. He's still scared though - was this talk enough?

Remus smiles. "If you help me unpack now, we could have a cuddle on the sofa."

Sirius nods. He doesn't want to pretend that all is well with Peter. Now the thought is in his head, he has a bad feeling about it all. "And tomorrow I'll have Peter over for dinner."

They both glance at the vial on the table. "I'm sure it's nothing," Remus says. "He probably heard these things from other people and felt that it was his duty to tell us without thinking."

Sirius nods. He hopes the same thing, but deep down he knows Peter is cleverer than that and he can see in Remus' expression that Remus knows this too.

But tonight he's going to lay on the sofa, hold Remus tightly and appreciate exactly what he has. They're never going to let their relationship fall apart again - he'll make sure of that!

* * *

Thanks for reading


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